In our last article we were discussing the different ways that you can overcome shyness and social anxiety. So with that, let’s continue.
12 Steps to Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety – Part II
7. Be The First To Initiate
Don’t wait for others to introduce you; you should initiate the introduction. I recently saw U.S. President Barack H. Obama on television; he was walking into a voting location to cast his ballot for the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election. I watched to see how his demeanor differed from others.
Here’s what stood out: he walked confidently with a smile on his face, and he took time to introduce himself to the individuals in the room. That’s all, and it made him appear to be very presidential, very confident in himself.
He could have walked in there with his head held down, assuming everyone knew who he was, like the socially anxious. But instead, he owned his space, he initiated contact and looked very powerful in the process.
8. Move Slow
One “sure fire” way to appear socially anxious is to make lots of sudden movements. Consider the lion, the lion only moves when it is necessary, all of its movements are deliberate. The lion appears confident; the lion is confident.
Now imagine the chipmunk, chipmunks are constantly “looking over their shoulder,” they make lots of sudden movements, always on the watch – always appearing to be supremely nervous and on guard against attackers.
Slow, deliberate movements will not only make you appear more confident, it will actually contribute to your personal confidence bank…so avoid “chipmunk like” behavior.
9. Take Up Space
You must learn to take up space; powerful people take up lots of space. Don’t hold your arms in towards your body – open them up. If you’re in a meeting, spread your things out, use body language that makes you appear larger than life. Anxious people shrink; confident people expand and shine.
As you practice taking up space – you will appear more confident and in control.
10. The Secret to Success
If you are a socially anxious or shy person, you are probably very familiar with that heart thumping feeling you get when speaking in front of a crowd. The heart thumping feeling that causes you to get flustered and forget what you’re about to say. If this is you, I’ve written these next few lines with you in mind – because I want to document for you how you can easily succeed when this happens next time.
As you know, when you practice your presentation in a room by yourself, you’re not nervous; you’re confident and poised. However, when you get in front of a group of strangers, or even your peers – the element of: possibly saying the wrong thing, or embarrassing yourself causes your body to become uptight and your heart to race.
The key to solving this dilemma is in how you practice. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but perfect practice will make you darn good. When I say perfect practice, I’m talking about recreating the situation exactly as it will be when it’s time for you to present. If your heart will be racing when it’s time for you to present, and it will. It’s important that your heart is racing when you’re practicing, this way you will be accustomed to the feeling and be able to handle it confidently and appropriately.
So before you practice that next big speech, run up a flight of stairs a few times, or walk up a flight of stairs; do a few dozen push-ups. Anything to get your heart racing, then practice your speech. Repeat this until you can confidently and calmly present, even when your heart is racing.
In time, your heart will race less and less – because you will know that there’s nothing to fear, but fear itself.
11. Prepare in Advance, But Don’t Practice
Preparation is important. If you’re going to an event where you have to be social, it won’t hurt to brush up on the current events in the world: politically, socially, as well as in the entertainment industry (if appropriate for the event).
Be prepared…so you can contribute to the conversation. You want to prepare, but you don’t want to practice. If you practice you will sound rehearsed and unnatural, so brush up and add a little something special to the conversation.
12. Realize There is Nothing to Fear
In social situations, realize that there’s nothing to fear. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Perhaps you should make a list of the worst things that could happen, so that you can see that they’re not that bad.
Calm down, take your time, be yourself, there is nothing to fear.
Bonus: Practice Socializing
Practice, practice, practice!
Early I talked about U.S. President Barack H. Obama and how he appeared so confident walking into the voting location. He was able to appear confident because he practices being confident everywhere he goes.
You should practice being confident, practice talking to strangers in the grocery line, at work, and where ever you go.
Practice, practice, practice!
And this concludes 12 Steps to Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety